GIVE
GIVE helps you communicate with consideration while discussing something important. Understanding another person's feelings does not mean agreeing with their account or accepting harmful behavior.
When to use it
- You want to raise a concern without escalating a disagreement
- Someone needs to feel heard before you try to solve a problem
The steps
Be gentle
Avoid insults, threats, and contempt. If a conversation becomes unsafe, end it and seek support rather than trying harder to be agreeable.
Act interested
Listen long enough to understand. Ask a genuine question rather than planning your rebuttal.
Validate
Name what you can understand about their experience. You can acknowledge disappointment and still keep your answer no.
Use an easy manner
Use a natural, considerate tone when appropriate. Do not force humor or smiling when it would dismiss the situation.
An example
Owen's friend is upset about a canceled plan. Owen listens and says, 'You were looking forward to seeing me, and the short notice was disappointing.' Owen apologizes for the late notice, keeps the necessary cancellation, and offers another date.