Check the Facts

An emotion can be real even when an interpretation is uncertain. Checking the facts helps you decide whether the emotion, its intensity, and its action urge match what is happening. It is not a way to talk yourself out of mistreatment or danger.

When to use it

A short message feels like proof that someone dislikes you
You are predicting an outcome before you have enough information

The steps

Name the feeling

Identify the emotion, how strong it is, and what it urges you to do.

Describe the event

Write what a camera or recording could capture. Separate those observations from explanations about motives.

Explore uncertainty

List what supports your interpretation, what does not, and another plausible explanation. Consider the actual likelihood and consequences of the outcome you fear.

Choose the response

If a real problem needs action, use problem solving or seek support. If the emotion or urge is out of proportion, consider a safe opposite action. You do not need certainty to take a reasonable next step.

An example

Sam reads 'Can we talk tomorrow?' and assumes a friendship is ending. The message contains no accusation. Sam replies to ask what the conversation is about and avoids sending a defensive paragraph.