the ritual DBT Coach

Wise Mind

Wise Mind brings emotional information together with what you know about a situation. You do not have to silence your feelings or wait until you feel perfectly calm to make a considered choice.

When to use it

  • A decision feels pulled between a strong urge and a list of reasons
  • You want a response that fits your values beyond this moment

The steps

1

Make a little room

Pause before deciding. If useful, feel your feet on the floor; you can keep your eyes open.

2

Listen to both sides

Name what you feel and want. Then name the facts, practical constraints, and likely consequences.

3

Look for a workable next step

Ask: what choice makes room for my feelings while respecting what I know and what matters to me? Uncertainty is allowed.

4

Choose and check

Take a small step you can reconsider when possible. Notice what you learn rather than demanding a perfect answer.

An example

Rae wants to quit a volunteer role after a difficult meeting. The hurt matters, and so does the commitment. Rae waits until the next day and asks to discuss a smaller workload before deciding whether to leave.

Related: STOP, Check the Facts